I’ve had a number of good things come to an end in the past two years and I’ve recently discovered that I have not exactly dealt with these losses wisely. My most recent attempt to dealing one of these was deciding to be celibate until I’m 30 (for the next 8 years) and rather focusing on building my empire – my friends can’t get over the absurdity of idea. Again, not so wise.
What I’m realising lately is that the time that I give myself to grieve these losses (if at all) is short and during the time when I am supposedly grieving, I inundate myself with so much work or mundane activity to keep from even thinking about what I have lost. The thing is, loss is a painful thing to deal with – especially when everything else has somehow managed to revolve around what you have lost.
I am being very random and cryptic because I want this lesson to apply to various aspects of life and not specifically to what I have lost. I have spent the last few weeks away from writing (well, not completely) and have refocused my life. Looking back now, my losses have taught me that;
- It is unhealthy not to grieve a loss properly.
- It is risky to plan every aspect of your life around one particular aspect that might not be a permanent fixture in your life.
- Every plan needs to be backed up by another plan and another plan. (Bonang Matheba said this at an event last week.)
- When things don’t work out, remove yourself from the situation and try to see what your part could have been in it and don’t be too hard on yourself.
Some of these lessons have been inspired by of course my own life and also the messy break-ups that have been happening in Hollywood recently. I was shocked to see that just days after their respective break-ups; Jason Derulo and Jordan Sparks as well as Amber Rose and Wiz Khalifa have been in the media talking about their relationships. I personally found it odd that they could do that without even taking the time to mourn their relationships. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.
So now that I have relearnt these lessons; the next chapter (which is actually the original plan I had for my life) is in motion and the hiatus is over.