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It gets lonely sometimes…

I don’t often talk about my personal life on here but I’ve got to get something off my chest. I am merely 21 years old but I have had my fair share of relationships which I have managed to keep private (pats self on back) because that is just how I roll. Needless to say, I have been single for a while now because those failed relationships have taught me not to settle for less than what I know I deserve.

If there is one thing I miss about being in a relationship, it is having someone to confide in and having someone who is interested in how my day was even if it does not differ from yesterday. While I do have friends and family who are very supportive, it doesn’t quite compare to when it is your significant other (not sure if I can use this term since I’ve never been married to any of them?) expressing that care.

The one relationship that I ended after finding out that I was actually the side-wheel was with someone who cared a lot for me. Someone who valued what I had to say even if we did not always agree. When I ended things, I found that I still longed for that attention and validation that my thoughts and the trivialities of my day mattered to someone.

At some stage I have professed that I was meant to be alone, but deep down I know this is a blatant lie. An effort to protect myself, I guess. The thing is, a number of people have expressed interest, but I am at a point where I know what is and what isn’t right for me and I am not willing to waste my time and emotions with that which isn’t.
While wearing this mask of supposedly being happily single, I have often asked myself how others do it. I am of the opinion that not everyone will end up with their soulmate and that not everyone will die with someone, but I wonder how they do it. What do they do when feeling lonely? I often summon my friends for dinner or force them into spending more time on campus (with me) and sometimes it does not work because I know that I have to return to the silence of my four walls.

When my friends are ultimately unavailable (they do have lives outside of babysitting me), I sometimes go out to dinner on my own. And while I enjoy this sometimes, I also realise that I am not the only one who feels lonely. There in a restaurant, I am often surrounded by other loners and what this teaches me is that you can have this feeling even when surrounded by people.

And I guess this is one of the reasons why I soldier on. I am very cautious of who I allow into my space. I do not want anyone around me who is not going to be of any value to my life. I especially do not want to have people in my life who are going to end up making me feel lonely anyway. I enjoy my own company – I always have. But even I am brave enough to admit that sometimes it does get lonely – and that’s okay.

Article written by:

Richmond Sajini is a musician and media entrepreneur in the public relations, television, radio and retail spaces in South Africa. He studied Public Relations and Communication at the University of Johannesburg and has worked on brands such as Coca Cola, Tsogo Sun, Heineken as well as the South African National Roads Agency. He has been told to shut up many times by people who don’t understand that he is in love with the sound of his own voice. For this reason he decided to start his own blog where he would share his thoughts and experiences without inhibition. Visit his blog, www.randomramblings.co.za and follow him on Twitter @richmondsajini.

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