I pride myself in being a good person, but as I’ve been told many times “ukulunga kuyafana nokukhohlakala” – it’s possible to be equally as wicked as you are good. And I find myself at a point where I have managed to surpass even my own expectation of how evil I could actually be.
I am too embarrassed to relay the whole story, but the gist is that I have betrayed a friend who has been nothing but good to me in the most hurtful way possible. I have apologised for what I have done, but we all know that apologies don’t guarantee forgiveness and that we are not owed acceptance of our apologies merely by offering them.
What I know for sure is that my intention was never to hurt him. I am hoping we can rebuild our friendship, but if there is no recovery, I only have myself to blame. With that said, I am also learning that I am fallible and capable of making mistakes despite my efforts at being perfect.
I reckon a week of beating myself up with guilt can only be bad for my mental health so now, I need to give myself a break and give him the space to process everything and decide for himself if he considers me worthy of still being in his life.
PS: I know this post is random after my loooong silence, but hey. This *is* Random Ramblings.